I'm only human
by Miztical-Dragon
Summary: [One-Shot!] How could I ever have known that being only human could be my downfall?


_**Disclaimer: **I don't own Inu-Yasha so please don't sue!_

_Okay so I've started yet another one-shot!!! I can't help it!!! But hey, it's all good because I really liked this one. Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of Sesshomaru/Rin, but you know angst is the best! XD _

_I hope that you enjoy this! Please Read and REVIEW!!!!!_

_**I'm only human**_

By **Miztikal-Dragon**

I don't know just how long I've been graced with his presence now, but I know that it seems like an eternity.

He is my savior, my master, and the only person I can completely trust with my life, he is my everything.

It is odd how we were destined to come together, but I will never regret dying only to be revived and given a chance to be by his side.

I'm an adolescent, a mere child to him, he's so much older than I, probably by over a hundred years or so, but I still love him.

Jaken tells me everyday what I nuisance I am, what a worthless human I am, but what does that toad know? He's too bitter to say anything nice, he's just a grumpy old demon who needs to get a life.

Last week was my twenty-first birthday, but if still feels as though I am twelve, I don't think I've changed. Mentally at least.

In the little group of four that I've had, I've never felt more alone than what I do now, is it because I am just a worthless human?

I feel more closed off, and the harsh glares make me insecure, I just don't understand why I feel the anger radiating in their eyes more so than before.

Sometimes I just want to break down and cry, because the pain in my heart is too great some nights more than others.

I don't cry though, since that's what only weaklings do, and I don't want them to think I'm weak.

I don't want him thinking I'm weak.

So I continue to be out forward, quirky, and the naïve girl that they have always known me to be.

Eventually I will become a stranger to them, because I am already one to myself.

The fire that Jaken has prepared tonight is gorgeous, the way each flame flickers makes me happier, but only a little.

Sesshomaru is not here with us tonight, he has gone off on his own again, he always loves his solitude.

It doesn't make me upset that he never is around any more.

What makes me sad is that he can't stand looking at me anymore, and I'm ashamed.

What great Inuyoukai would want to look at something so pathetic, so trashy as I am.

Why should he even spare me a glance, I'm know I'm not worth it.

He should have left me dead in the forest when he found me.

I'm insignificant compared to him, a mere blade of grass in a meadow.

Unimportant.

Would it be so bad if I left them? It's not like they would notice when they woke up would they?

I'm pretty sure Jaken would be relieved if I ran off.

Sesshomaru probably won't even bat an eyelash, he never does.

Making up my mind, I wait for them to fall asleep, Au-un and Jaken, then I will leave.

The world won't cease to exist just because I feel as though I've warn out my welcome just because of my humanity.

I watch carelessly, my eyes fixated on the fire until it dies down a little, I know for sure that they all are fast asleep or else they have better stamina than myself.

Getting to my feet, I make check my surroundings before I leave the comforts of camp, if I am found they will be mad.

Sesshomaru will be disappointed,

But isn't he always disappointed with me in a way?

Because I'm only human.

Walking through the trees I begin to wonder why we are always near the forest?

Why can't we ever camp out in a treeless meadow? Or someplace near a river?

The wind blows in my face and it feels so good, so comforting and I cannot stop myself from going further,

It is my destiny.

Minutes pass by me like hours, I feel as though I'm be swallowed by the endless trees,

I feel as though I'm being watched by the darkness,

Or by what's lurking in the darkness.

I stay strong by squaring my shoulders and holding my head high, there is nothing to fear.

I can hear strange sounds coming from my left, and I'm curious to know what it is.

I am curious, but unsure if I should go in that direction.

And yet I follow what scares me,

How's that for irony?

Peeling away the long tree branches in my way, I cautiously look out hoping that it is nothing but my imagination.

Well I asked for too much.

That's where I found my savior, my master, my caretaker, **_my_** Sesshomaru.

I wanted to call out to him, but my voice wouldn't work just like all those years ago before he found me,

Before he saved me.

He wasn't alone either, she was there.

That demon woman who was responsible for a lot of things, the demon who always seemed to make my Sesshomaru irritated, she was with him.

I could feel the anger pulsing throughout my body, well that was until she and my Sesshomaru came together in a passionate embrace.

How shocked I was.

Everything that I once knew was torn out the window as they undressed each other, their moans and groans of pleasure reaching my small ears.

At that moment I wanted to die.

I wished that some rogue demon would see me and strike me dead,

But I'm not that lucky am I?

In all honesty I don't know how long I stood there and watched them.

Their bodies entwined, connected in a way I had only dreamt of doing with him.

And yet I couldn't get myself to move my damned feet, they felt like dead weights.

It wasn't too much longer that I was able to tear my gaze away from the two of them.

The first thing I did was run,

And you could believe that I ran like the wind.

I could feel the tears streaking down my face, the warmth of them as they flew from my cheeks,

They too were a fleeting memory.

Somehow I was able to make it back to camp in perfect condition,

Okay in less than perfect condition, but it's not like it really mattered.

It's not like I really mattered,

Because I'm just a human.

A filthy, worthless human who was lucky to be alive.

Yes, I was lucky, oh so fucking lucky.

I collapsed onto the small makeshift bed near the barely alive fire and closed my eyes,

But the images of them wouldn't go away.

I tried to control my breathing,

But my heart was pounding a million beats a second.

It didn't take long until I gave into exhaustion and feel asleep,

A sleep I wished had not visited me.

I didn't want to keep reliving those moments,

But they wouldn't stop flashing in my mind.

I was in hell,

And no one could save me.

Jaken woke me up yelling at me,

How I was such a stupid human always being lazy and sleeping in when there was things to be done.

All I wanted to do was strangle him,

To feel him squirm in my hands, my dirty human blooded hands.

But I couldn't bring myself to do it,

Because he is Jaken, and in a way you could say that I love him, as an annoying relative that I never wished to see.

Yeah, me have relatives, that's just another lie to add to the things I'll never have.

I tried so hard to be happy, I really did

But I can't force a smile, they come to me naturally.

I didn't have any to give today.

Jaken looked at me as if I had grown five or so more heads,

I must have looked so horrible for him to gawk at me,

But what do you expect from someone as ugly as I am?

Sesshomaru was no where in sight,

He was probably on another one of his adventurous excursions,

Or maybe another rutting with that wind sorceress.

I tried to keep my mind away from that subject,

But I couldn't stop myself, I just couldn't.

We had been walking all day, and not once did I complain about being tired,

Not once did I speak at all.

I don't think Jaken cared to stop, he was riding Au-un, and I was walking.

There was no need to stop.

It couldn't have been no later than early afternoon when I could feel the pounding in my heart,

The racing of my blood.

But I didn't dare ask Jaken to stop,

What position was I in to ask for anything?

After all I'm only human.

I tired to keep my feet moving, but they refused.

And I was starting to sweat up a storm,

It was cold outside, but I was burning up.

I could hear Jaken calling my name not too far from where I stood,

But I couldn't say a word, I couldn't speak.

My heart was pounding so fast and it just kept racing.

My fingers clawed at my chest, it was so sudden,

I couldn't breathe.

Jaken's distressed cries barely reached my ears as I clutched the ground with one hand and my heart with the other.

I felt as though I was being torn apart from the inside.

It was then that I heard his voice, my Sesshomaru he was standing yards away,

And I couldn't hold it back any longer.

I cried.

That's the only sound I was able to hear for the longest time, my neglected sobs.

It didn't matter because Sesshomaru became annoyed and the only thing he said was.

"Rin, stop acting foolish. You're no longer a child."

Jaken was the person who finished what I knew my master wouldn't say.

"Yes Rin, why don't you grow up? You're such a hassle, what a worthless human."

They were right, of course I was being foolish, I needed to grow up.

There was no way they would allow me to stay much longer if I continued acting foolish,

Because I'm only human.

A worthless human.

I bit back the rest of my tears and sniffled,

Then covered my mouth as I raggedly coughed.

I saw the blood staining my hand, dark red specks everywhere.

There was so much blood.

I don't know what happened after that, but somehow I had lost consciousness.

When I finally came to, I found myself staring up at the ceiling to a hut, the scent of herbs filing my nose.

I didn't know where I was.

After a while I realized what happened, Kagome filled me in,

She was so nice.

I guess Sesshomaru was "worried" when I suddenly collapsed and had Jaken and Au-un take me to his hanyou brother's home to be taken care of.

There was nothing I could do,

My Sesshomaru had abandoned me.

And I am ashamed of myself for my behavior, my weakness,

It is because I'm only human that I can't be loved,

It is because I'm only human that he must despise me so.

My Sesshomaru.

I ended up staying with Kagome and her hanyou mate,

I was lucky that they would take me in,

I was surprised that they didn't abandon me like he had,

Like how my Sesshomaru had.

Maybe my life could have been different if I hadn't stumbled upon my knight in shinning armor and his bitch that night.

But I doubt it would have been much of a change.

I find it odd that I knew my time with him wouldn't last, but why couldn't I have died with him.

I would have loved to.

But that was asking for too much.

To Sesshomaru I was a burden, a child, and most of all,

Human.

If there was a way that I could change that I would.

I would do anything just so MY Sesshomaru could love me,

Or even give me the time of day,

But it wasn't to be, He wasn't destined to be with me.

Oh, how much I wish he were, but one cannot wish for the impossible.

Happy endings only exist in fairy tales,

I could have been loved by him if this life were a fairy tale.

And yet it's not because I'm only human.

I'm worthless, tainted, repulsive, unimportant,

And all of this is so,

Because I'm only human.

Okay that's all that she wrote!!!

Please tell me what you thought about it! Flames are acceptable I guess, just don't be cruel please! And always Leave a review!!!

Until next time, Krystal.


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